You know how hard it is just to sit and write? All this prep work! What I mean by that is you need to focus, do all your research, find your perfect spot, special music or whatever helps and, of course, inspiration. I had plenty new super ideas for my blog, but I didn’t know where to start and what to start with, especially after a very intimate conversation video with my friend, Ev, I felt really vulnerable and scared. What can I offer? What do I know? What can I share? I knew I wanted a change, but I didn’t know how to do it. There are so many things in my head, that I was just kept putting away and writing down on thousands of little papers, note pads, magazine pages. It was just a mess on my worktable, in my house, in my head. Every day I thought, “Okay, today is the day, I will sit, switch off WiFi on my laptop, and just start writing.” Nope, didn’t happen.
Then I started cleaning my house, cleaning my worktable, organizing notes, getting the main ideas and here I am now, finally, here, in front of my silver babe companion aka my trusty computer.
Where to start? I will start from the beginning of my journey, when I was still cooking like crazy and busy scheduling new posts, shooting episodes and running the entire house. I kept getting sick, almost once in two months. Crazy. I gained weight and that really concerned me the most. I started diets and of course went to the gym. I felt even more depressed and guilty after reading several popular healthy lifestyle magazine, each and everyone would tell me about calories in and calories out. I started counting my calories, then got frustrated, because one day I will be ok, another hungry like lion, but guilt would tell me I can’t eat, cause then all the weight will be my fault. After 3 months in the gym my back was completely killed. Like no activity doctor said killed. Not even yoga. Nothing. Wow, I said, what should I do now. With no physical activity I would be obese in couple of years. Depression knocked on the door of course, right away my relationships with my boyfriend, now husband, started cracking. With my awful influence, Koty gained weight too, and ate foods that I was keeping in the fridge and freezer (not good foods). Every time I would find an excuse to feed myself with something deep-fried, breaded, take-out, starchy… And of course a glass of wine here and there. Anyway, the day had come, I realized that it will not only kill myself, but the love of my life, too.
I started searching for outside help. It is always so hard to start on your own. I needed the doctor to tell me to stop, or there will be consequences. And I found ‘The Doctor’. The perfect doctor. Of course the reason to find him was not me (who me? I don’t need any help), it was Koty, his asthma got worse and allergies were killing him. I wanted to find the doctor that did blood allergy testing, not the one you do on your skin, and just run all the tests to know more about our body and what the hell we doing wrong. (Yeah, yeah, like we didn’t know.) Dr. Sadeghi was my first choice and the last, cause that was the only person who runs that kind of tests. Koty and I went on the appointment and revealed our thoughts and complained about weight and so on and so on. Doctor listened to us and then said, that he understands what Koty is doing here, he understands the reason, but why am I here, what is my concern. I said weight! Main and only! What pill you can give so I can cure these non stop gaining. Silence in the room.
Then he asked me about my days, what I eat, how I sleep, what hurts, am I stressed?
– Stomach Aches?
– Very moody?
– Painful periods?
– Oh, Yes.
– Dry skin and hair? Bad nails?
– How many times you got sick in past year?
– Like 6-7 times.
– I see.
And then it hit me. Is my weight my biggest concern? IS IT REALLY?
– So I guess we need to start with my health, right?
– Only if YOU really want to.
To be continued…
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